MERRY CHRISTMAS

Merry Christmas

From the Generation Gap Girls!

Holiday Time

You asked a very interesting question, Yuppie Girl, because only last night I realized something about myself which I probably should have discovered LONG ago.  You would think that by the time you reach your mid-40s, there would be no more discoveries, right?  Wrong!

I am absolutely, horrendously afraid....to fail.  Seriously.  I start getting sick to my stomach and a little clammy around the middle.  My pulse quickens and my blood pressure rises and I even tremble at the thought of failing at something.

Don't give me that "nobody likes to fail" line.  I think maybe it's worse than that. 

You see, I worry enough about failure that if I take on something new, I throw myself into it wholeheartedly.  Meanwhile, I can't let go of anything else that is already on my plate, because that would be failing, too.  By the end of the day, I am so spent that I fail to sleep, for worrying about what might be slipping through the cracks.

Worse...I think I avoid a lot of things because I am not sure I will succeed at them.  It's only partly that I am sensible about how much I can truly devote to something.  If I don't think that there is a good chance of success, I avoid it like I avoid my mother-in-law.

What am I missing in life?  How many things could I be experiencing if I could just learn to embrace failure, or treat failure like a learning opportunity?  Is it really so bad to fail?

My heart of hearts is screaming, "YESSSS it's really SO bad to fail!!!  You CAN'T let yourself fail!!!"


Love, Rural Mom

The Holidays

Dear Rural Mom,

LOVED your Thanksgiving memory. Warm fuzzies surrounded me just reading it ...until I got to the last few paragraphs! But in all seriousness, the beginning sounded straight out of a movie!

For whatever reason, Thanksgiving was a holiday my family rarely gathered for and after my mom died I almost came to dread the holiday. But Christmas . .well that is another story, my family was always able to pull that off! Of course when I married the man I am now separated from . . his family had movie type of holidays. The kind where you sit around the dining room table and sing carols while someone played the piano in the background. I remember my first experience with his family . . I felt very . . out of place. It was a weird moment of experiencing exactly what I wanted but yet still feeling very uncomfortable with it.

Now that I am "single", the holidays this year are different. My Thanksgiving this time around was . . .better than I could ever imagine. I flew back home and spent it with my aunt and cousins. I remember thinking how nice it was to actually spend a holiday with MY family as we always spent the holidays with his family. Mainly . . because deep down I was ashamed that my family wouldn't measure up to his . .amazing right?

And now . . .Christmas awaits us in just a few weeks. I can't wait until it's over. I know my mood has alot to do with my personal situation of being separated/divorced but the other part of it . .is also just sick of the whole Christmas scene.

Wow. . .I must have woken up on the wrong side of the bed! I didn't mean to turn this post into a depressing tale!!

So Rural Mom . .I have a question for you . . let's backtrack a bit and recapture the year.

How has 2009 added to your life? Were there any moments of personal growth? Any a-ha moments you just have to share? Any life altering experiences? Anything???


xoxo,
Yuppie Girl

A Thanksgiving Memory

Hi, Yuppie Girl!

It's almost Thanksgiving and it's a big day for me this year!  We are having our feast on Friday night, because our military son will be HOME for the holiday...for the first time since 2005.  I'm glad I bought a big turkey, because that boy can eat!  Having the feast on Friday also means that, for the first time since I went back to work after 10 years as a stay-at-home mom, I'll have time to prepare for the day.  Gotta love that.

Thanksgiving is a pretty big deal in our family, partly because I love to cook but mostly because we all love to eat.  You won't find any store-bought pies or cheater mashed potatoes or canned cranberry sauce at our table.  My Momma is an excellent cook, and she taught me to take our feasts seriously.

So I was thinking about a Thanksgiving celebration we had when I was about 13 or 14.  All of our relatives from overseas were staying with our nearby relatives, and everyone was expected at Momma's house for the holiday.  It was enough relatives that my brothers and sister AND my uncle and grandma who lived next door...all went to the city to help haul them all up into the mountains to our house.

Momma got up well before dawn, because she had two turkeys and a ham to get going.  She made the dressing, stuffed the birds, basted them and fired up the ovens.  Then she started making the rolls, a "refrigerator" recipe that could rise all day in the fridge, until she popped them into the oven after the turkeys were done.

She made two chocolate cream pies and two banana cream pies to go with the apple, cherry, pecan and pumpkin pies that she had made the day before.  Then she woke me up, and we started polishing the silverware, shining the stemware and peeling potatoes. 

Then the dawn started to break and we realized for the first time that it was snowing, and apparantly had been for a while.  There was at least a foot of snow already at dawn.  It snowed and it snowed and it snowed.  And then the sun came out for about an hour, until the next wave of the storm blew in and turned all the melted surfaces into solid ice.

There we sat that evening, Momma, Daddy and me.   We had somewhere around 40 relatives stranded on the other side of a snow-filled pass.   We also had 12 pies, two turkeys, one ham, a mess of potatoes, a huge bowl of cranberry relish, about 5 dozen rolls, enough stuffing to fill the trunk of a Buick, and bucket loads of olives and pickles and other relish items.  Momma, Daddy and me.

And it was still snowing.

Two weeks later, the pass between our house and where the rest of the rellies were stranded....opened.  By this time we had eaten turkey sandwiches, turkey salad, turkey tetrazzini, turkey soup, turkey ala king, turkey pot pie, turkey and rice and turkey and dumplings and turkey-chip cookies.  Holy shit, did we eat a lot of turkey: breakfast, lunch and dinner for two weeks.  Momma emptied everything she could think of out of the freezer to fit some turkey in there, and still we ate turkey.  Oh, and our dog?  Cinnamon?  He had a tender stomach and turkey made him barf.  He mostly ate ham and potatoes.

I never thought I could get tired of pie, but I could.  I have to hand it to Momma, she was very creative about it.  She thought of more ways to use turkey than anyone would believe.  (She was a frugal woman, too.) All the years past, when the turkey meat was all picked off the carcass, Momma would scold us kids:  "Don't throw those bones away.... they make good soup later on."  (From Momma, that came out: "Dunt Trowe dose bones a-vay.  Dey make good zoop later on.")  This time, she threw the turkey carcasses as far down into the trash bin as she could manage without stepping on it.  Two weeks of straight turkey was enough.

Brothers and sister finally walked in the door, refugees of two weeks at Auntie's house.  Oldest brother asked if there were any left overs.  Momma just glared at him.  Second-oldest brother asked if we had saved him any pie.  We all glared at him.

Sister asked, "Didn't you even save the bones for soup?"

Love,
Rural Mom

Generation after Generation

Dear Rural Mom,

Being the social yuppie that I am . . . my time has been consumed by work and play. . .I'm still trying to find that balance . .which I feel will forever elude me (hhmm sounds like this could be our next discussion?!?)

So, even though it's been awhile this post is in response to your "Generation Y - The Recession" post.

Can I just say that I love you?

Your response was perfect.

Often I feel so many people of your generation and previous generations mock, blame, ridicule, and tear apart my generation claiming we lack self responsibility etc etc.

Of course we do . . but we didn't get where we are today alone. . . ya'll definitely helped.

So what's the bottom line?

The bottom line is that in the end it doesn't really matter who we point the finger at because we all played a very important part.

You truly asked the most important question at the end of your response, which was "what is going to happen (and what should we do) until the next generation finds their wits to right what we've done wrong?"

I wish I had an answer. I truly do. It's a tad scary and overwhelming to think about all of the possible consequences. But the only thing I know is what I can do and hope that it has a domino affect. I know I can't dwell in the what ifs and waste time pointing the finger at the idiots around me. . .because if you think about it . . doing that makes me just as unproductive.

I just gotta wake up each day and hit the ground running.

xoxo,
Yuppie Girl

Hump Day

I think Rural Mom needs a massage.  A glass (or 3) of sweet white wine.  Some good music.  And no more telephones.

Just thought I'd share.

Love,
Rural Mom

Generation Y and the Recession

You said it all, little sister:  "I love my generation. Truly I do. But we are the biggest group of people I know who look at life from an "instant gratification - let's ride the elevator to the top instead of climbing the ladder - and do [insert whatever] as fast n' easy as possible with little physical or mental effort" perspective."

I don't believe in blanket-statements either, and the fact is that Mr. Rural and I did raise our kids differently than other parents our age were doing.  And I know that you were not brought up the way most of your peers were, so bear that in mind, too.  When I say "we" and "you", I AM making a blanket generalization. 


But speaking as a member of my generation:  It is our fault...we, your parents.  We raised you up to have a sense of entitlement.  We raised your generation to believe that they didn't need to earn an allowance, or to contribute to the family's well-being by doing chores.  We taught you to believe that you could behave how you wished, talked as you pleased and have whatever you wanted.


When you misbehaved in school, we blamed the teacher and said you wouldn't have done whatever you were accused of.  We told the teachers that we would sue the socks off of them if they paddled you, and created a school room full of smart-mouth kids who knew they could get away with anything.


If you got caught shoplifting, we bailed you out, blamed the cops for picking on you and then bought you whatever you'd swiped.  We bought you a first car that was better than what we ourselves were driving, paid for your gas, insurance and your speeding tickets.  We applied for yet another credit card (the old ones were maxed out) so you could have a prom dress from a designer and go in a limo. 


If you didn't make the cheer squad, we confronted whoever made that choice with ugly accusations.  We made excuses for you when you failed a class, or were disrespectful to us, or vandalized the school as a "prank".  We called it bi-polar, ADD or ADHD instead of spoiled.  When you got caught using drugs, we blamed it on the crowd and not on your own decisions.  We sent you to counseling when we should have hauled you out to the woodshed.


And then we sent you out into the world.  You thought that life would always go your way.  Nothing in your experience had ever told you that life was not fair.  We bailed you out of your credit card trouble (maybe more than once).  We paid your rent and commented how hard it is for young folks to make a living nowadays, even though we noticed that you had a big-screen TV, a Nintendo-something, a Playstation AND a Wii, plus a wide-screen laptop, a high-end latte machine and leather theater seating.


If we, your parents, had ever said, "You've made your bed; now lie in it."  If we had ever said, "No." and stuck to our guns.  If we'd ever said, "If you want the Nike Airs, you'll have to get a job to pay for them."  We didn't do that.  We gave and gave and excused and enabled and spoiled a generation rotten.  We gave you medication instead of discipline, more activities instead of structure and material goods instead of values.  We didn't smack you upside the head when you were disrespectful to your grandparents or your teacher.  We allowed you to treat us like crap, because we wanted to be your friend, instead of your parent.


We didn't teach you how to work.  We bought into the preposterous notion that it takes a village to raise a child.  It doesn't.  It takes parents who PARENT.  Parents who teach their children that they are required to respect their elders, pull their weight and do their damn chores.  Parents who are willing to do the hard stuff:  discipline their children and mean it. 


I'm not going to say that this is something new.  This has happened before in the history of the world.  When we become too cool for old-fashioned ideas like respect, honor, morality and responsibility, we set ourselves up for a trip down the slippery slope of economic, moral and cultural decline. 


I DO believe, however, that there is a minority who will find the way to rise above.  I think that there are some people who either raised by parents different than the "we" I talked about above, or at least had the influence of grandparents or friend's parents and know that there is another way to live.  What worries me is, what happens until that golden day, when your generation and mine find our wits, take responsibility and take action?

Love,
Rural Mom

Generation Y - Echo Boomers

Dear Rural Mom,

In your post below you posed me the following thought provoking question:

"do you think the young men and women of your generation would still be willing to go anywhere, do anything, just to find work? I know you well enough to know that you would work ten minimum-wage jobs before you'd go to the welfare office. But what do you think of the work ethic and the tenacity of other people your age?"

Now . . . . .before I answer you know I despise blanket statements. I understand there are exceptions to the rule. BUT (you knew this was coming right?!) I have to be painfully honest.

I love my generation. Truly I do. But we are the biggest group of people I know who look at life from an "instant gratification - let's ride the elevator to the top instead of climbing the ladder - and do [insert whatever] as fast n' easy as possible with little physical or mental effort" perspective.

So do I think the majority of my generation would work ten jobs before applying for welfare? No, I don't.

I think my generation feels entitled to having "their dream job" and "living life to the fullest" . . RIGHT NOW.

People of my generation would more than likely sit in their apartment living off of welfare or whatever other aide they qualify for while they wait for their "dream job" to come along from the thousands of resumes they sent out to career builder and monster.com.

I mean . . after all . . we didn't go to college and take out thousands of dollars in loans for our "degree" to work at Starbucks right? Oh no sister . . we deserve the best and we will not settle for or work for less.

Oh and while we're sitting in that apartment just waiting? . . we are also still living as if we make $40,000+ a year . . pedicures, happy hour, and shoes galore . . to which I give a big fat sarcastic thanks to the credit card companies.

But you know what? With the economy the way it is right now? I have faith it will push us onto our bottoms and then force us to stand up. And when we do stand up . .we may be knee deep in debt but we'll have learned from our mistakes. We will be armed with knowledge acquired by experience, which will help us make right what we did wrong.

Right now we are seekers of instant gratification . . . but due to the current recession and the new "green movement" . . I truly do see a change taking place.

There is hope for us yet.

So ok Rural Mom . . I want to know what YOU think about my generation. Do you think the current recession can change us?

xoxo,
Yuppie Girl

1929 All Over Again

Dear Yuppie Girl;

Hello dear friend! I'd like your opinion on something. I've been thinking about what happened during our country's previous economic problems. My Dad was born the same year the Wall Street crashed, so I grew up hearing stories of what life was like for him and his family.

As part of FDR's "New Deal", they formed the Civilian Conservation Corps (CCC) to try to deal with some of our country's environmental issues and employ young men who were jobless at that time. These boys joined the CCC and went away to a camp which was much like an army camp. They worked at jobs which they maybe had no experience, and they got fed and paid. Many of our nation's hiking trails, national parks amenities and much of our flood-control system is thanks to the CCC. There were over 60 CCC camps here in our state.

I saw an interview with a man who had been in the CCC. When he turned 16, as the oldest child in his family, his parents sat him down and pretty much said, "We can't afford to feed you anymore. You'll have to go out and make your own way in the world." He left home and lived as a hobo for a year, until he found out about the CCC. It was a godsend for him and so many like him.

When the government under Herbert Hoover finally approved the funds to build a great dam across the Colorado River, to irrigate the desert and control the flooding, tens of thousands of people left their dustbowl homes and went to Las Vegas. They camped in the desert for as much as a year, waiting for construction to start. Those men (few of whom were experienced dam builders) worked at some of the hardest jobs imaginable, in terrible heat and without adequate water. It was the only job around.

So here's my question: do you think the young men and women of your generation would still be willing to go anywhere, do anything, just to find work? I know you well enough to know that you would work ten minimum-wage jobs before you'd go to the welfare office. But what do you think of the work ethic and the tenacity of other people your age?

Love,

Rural Mom

Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Rural Mom

Hmmm. Very difficult questions! ARRggHH! The pressure!

1. Would you consider yourself a leader or a follower? Why? I don't think I'm really either one. I tend to lead more than follow, but I prefer to go my own way and leave others to go theirs. I believe that makes me a seeker...or selfish?

2. What would you just absolutely love to get paid to do? That is a no-brainer for me. I would love to get paid to write. Of course, I want to write I want, not technical manuals for undertakers or something.

3. What is ONE thing marriage has taught you about yourself? One serious thing is that I am one opinionated girl. I used to think I was just right. Now I know I'm opinionated. One funny thing is that I really do have a dirty mind.

4. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why? If I could really DO it, I'd live way back in the woods some place, by a river or a lake, miles from anyone, with no neighbors. It would be a place with a great view and lots of wildlife (only the mild kinds of wildlife, though). And a house that was comfortable and easy to keep warm.

5. If you could change one thing (physical or character) about yourself what would it be and why? OK, I know it's shallow. But I would love to have great hair. My character flaws are something I can work on myself, but my hair is what it is. :-(

6. What is ONE physical thing you love about yourself? My size. I haven't changed very much in that in my life. When I started putting on a little weight after 40...it all landed pretty well in the right spots.

7. What would be your perfect vacation? My perfect vacation. My perfect vacation? I think it would be at some remote cabin, with Mr. Rural, lots of time and a laptop so I could write.

8. What is your main pet peeve and why? Honestly? Stupidity. Plain and simple. Stupid manifests itself in so many ways, from driving as if you are the only person on the road, to voting for a president because you think he's cute. Boil it all down and what do you get? Stupid. Drives me nuts.

9. What is your most favorite food to eat? Oh, this is a hard question! I love all kinds of foods! I don't have much of a sweet tooth, so I don't go for the candy dish right off. I love veggies and good breads or a good steak or.... I guess my favorite indulgence food might be Marzetti's Marinated Garlic-stuffed Green Olives (in California Chardonnay). OMG they are so good. But I can't eat them often because Mr. Rural is deeply offended by garlic. Offended enough that I wouldn't get any. And I don't mean olives.

10. If you could give one piece of advice to the people of my generation . . what would you say? Now there's a loaded question! I would like to tell you about living a balanced life or conducting yourself with honor, but maybe there is one universal truth that everyone can use. It's the same advice that I received as a young adult.

You are responsible for your own happiness. It doesn't come with more stuff or more status. It doesn't happen because someone else makes you happy. You're the only one who can do it. I hear people say, "If I could just get that job (or lose that weight or go to Spain or...) I'd really be happy." It's fine to have goals like that, but you can't postpone being a happy person until you reach some goal. Happy is here and now and you have to choose it every single day. And I don't mean at the expense of others. It isn't about selfishing doing whatever you want. It's about connecting to others on a significant level, and looking at your world with clear vision to see all the beauty and joy that surrounds you. You don't have to live in some Malibu beach house to get that beauty. It's there in the full moon rising above your neighbor's house, and it's there in the cartoon in the newspaper that makes you laugh out loud. It's your responsibility to find it, embrace it, internalize it, and LIVE IT.

How was that for a lecture? :-)

Love,

Rural Mom

Let's Get to Know Rural Mom Too . .

Hi Rural Mom!

I think it's only fair I get to ask you ten little questions too so that our readers really know what they are getting between the two of us :-)

So . .here goes!

1. Would you consider yourself a leader or a follower? Why?

2. What would you just absolutely love to get paid to do?

3. What is ONE thing marriage has taught you about yourself?

4. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?

5. If you could change one thing (physical or character) about yourself what would it be and why?

6. What is ONE physical thing you love about yourself?

7. What would be your perfect vacation?

8. What is your main pet peeve and why?

9. What is your most favorite food to eat?

10. If you could give one piece of advice to the people of my generation . . what would you say?


Have at it Rural Mom! I can't wait to read your answers!!

xoxo,

Yuppie Girl

Ok Rural Mom . . . Hear Me Out!

1. What is the most daring thing you have ever done? I would have to say the most daring thing I've done is choose to separate/divorce my husband. And by daring I don't mean in an "I don't care" way, I mean daring in that it was a risk. A scary risk. A door that opens up every obstacle and opportunity possible. A daring admission of internal honesty.
   



2. What do you think would be the perfect pet for you? The perfect pet right? Not necessarily a realistic pet? :-) The perfect pet would be an adorable yorkie that never barked, used the toilet, could feed itself, and knew just when to cuddle up next to me.
   



3. Suppose God told you, “Yuppie Girl, I want you to appoint an 11th commandment”, what would you choose? Thou shall engage the brain on a daily basis
   



4. What is your least favorite chore? Laundry. It never ends. Ever. It chains me to home as I wait for the dryer to get done so the clothes don't get wrinkly.
   



5. What did you have for dinner last night? My usual! Nachos !!
   



6. If you believed in reincarnation, what were you in your previous life? hhmm...good question!! I'm not sure! Wow. I suppose my first instinct is that I grew up poor. Maybe with a hard life even in adulthood. And I think I say that because for some reason I've always had this strong sense of self responsibility in every which way. An ambitious drive. A cautious nature. An appreciation for hard work. Oh . . and I think I might have been male :-) sometimes I think I lack the sensitive emotional ways of most women . .or maybe I just hide it better. Probably both.



7. Describe your perfect Saturday. Ahh..being able to sleep in as late as I want. And then when I do wake up? Coffee and a good book. Then an awesome hike or bike ride. And then? A wine night with my girls complete with love and laughter.
   



8. Would you want to be President of the United States? Why or why not?Oh man . my first thought was no way. But now that I'm actually thinking about it more in depth . . sure . .why not? I can whip this country into shape . .I just need to get rid of my huge desire to please people :-)
   



9. What are you going to be like when you are old? As active as I can possibly be. Independent, confident, secure, sassy, loud, fun, bold, and current with the fashion trends . . lol . . no grandma clothes for me :-)
   



10. What is the ONE THING that pisses you off more than anything else in traffic? The ONE thing? What if I have ONE thousand things? I suppose I'd have to say people who weave in and out of traffic . . as if they are really going to get where they need to be any faster by swerving back and forth, in and out of lanes. Puh-lease. All you're going to get are a few bald tires and bad gas mileage. Oh . and me . .pissed off :-)

xoxo,

Yuppie Girl

So, tell me, Yuppie Girl..... ?

Hi, Yuppie Girl!

We did it! We started our very first team blog! Each of us posted a short welcome/self-introduction, but I think we can share a little more of ourselves.

Can ask you a few questions, to help our readers get to know you better? Yes, I knew you'd agree, because you're so agreeable! Ten short questions, but answer at whatever length you need. Please use a Ticonderoga #2 pencil, filling in the bubble completely. Eyes on your own paper, please, and raise your hand if your require assistance.

1. What is the most daring thing you have ever done?



2. What do you think would be the perfect pet for you?



3. Suppose God told you, “Yuppie Girl, I want you to appoint an 11th commandment”, what would you choose?



4. What is your least favorite chore?



5. What did you have for dinner last night?



6. If you believed in reincarnation, what were you in your previous life?



7. Describe your perfect Saturday.



8. Would you want to be President of the United States? Why or why not?



9. What are you going to be like when you are old?



10. What is the ONE THING that pisses you off more than anything else in traffic?

Love,

Rural Mom

Yuppie Girl Welcomes You Too :-)

It should go without saying . . . but I'm the younger of the Generation Gap Girls. On the edge of divorce with a man I've known for 9 years and married to for 4. I live in the city and work in an office where I get paid too much to drink coffee and crunch numbers. Living a balanced life with intention is my desire. But I can't deny the fact that I tend to view life from a cynical angle as I run on my treadmill, book in my left hand, cookie in my right, and my eyes two hours ahead.

Life is short and the path we walk on is full of surprises. Join us as we walk down it hand in hand, yet miles apart.

xoxo,
Yuppie Girl

Hello! Welcome!

Let me introduce myself! I am the older of the Generation Gap Girls. I'm a rural mom, a full-time professional woman, and soon to be an empty nester. I'm a little irreverant, and a little conservative, too. I like to laugh, and read, and eat, and write. I hope you enjoy our little blog.

Love,

Rural Mom