Holiday Time

You asked a very interesting question, Yuppie Girl, because only last night I realized something about myself which I probably should have discovered LONG ago.  You would think that by the time you reach your mid-40s, there would be no more discoveries, right?  Wrong!

I am absolutely, horrendously afraid....to fail.  Seriously.  I start getting sick to my stomach and a little clammy around the middle.  My pulse quickens and my blood pressure rises and I even tremble at the thought of failing at something.

Don't give me that "nobody likes to fail" line.  I think maybe it's worse than that. 

You see, I worry enough about failure that if I take on something new, I throw myself into it wholeheartedly.  Meanwhile, I can't let go of anything else that is already on my plate, because that would be failing, too.  By the end of the day, I am so spent that I fail to sleep, for worrying about what might be slipping through the cracks.

Worse...I think I avoid a lot of things because I am not sure I will succeed at them.  It's only partly that I am sensible about how much I can truly devote to something.  If I don't think that there is a good chance of success, I avoid it like I avoid my mother-in-law.

What am I missing in life?  How many things could I be experiencing if I could just learn to embrace failure, or treat failure like a learning opportunity?  Is it really so bad to fail?

My heart of hearts is screaming, "YESSSS it's really SO bad to fail!!!  You CAN'T let yourself fail!!!"


Love, Rural Mom